I am often told that since becoming a mom, my life has turned a reverse gear. I am more of a child now than I was a few years ago
I don't mind. I mean look at the joy and fun in this moment.
How could I just pass it on for the sake of being 'too old' !! This little person brings out the better me who is more fun, relaxed and just like him doesn't care about who is watching. When I am with him I am not afraid of being silly or goofy. He empowers me somehow. ️️
The line between who is the parent is sometimes so thin I barely notice. We are a team. A very strong one too.
Kids are very observant and adaptive. We can teach them a lot through books and other media but nothing compares to how much they learn by just watching us and their surroundings. Have had your kid pick up on a swear word you said only once under breath?? Yep. You know what I mean then.
This certainly works as an auto-correct for us 🤷🏻♀️
A few simple things I always keep in mind and in actions, especially when my little one is around -
Isn't a smile contagious? Seeing the happy face of your loved one brings calmness and control over your own emotions. And lets face it. It's hard to get angry at a happy person. I mean a genuine happy person...not the sort who sits across the park and watches you duel with parenthood with a silly grin on his face.
And smiling helps developing the social skills too.
🏻 Be Kind
In words and in deeds. To family and to strangers. How lovely it is to see my little one greet people with a nice big 'Hi' and a broad smile. How it fills my heart when he stops for anyone who is hurt or crying and wouldn't budge before giving them a hug. Kindness again is contagious.
When your littles watch you being kind to others, they perceive it as a way of life. It embeds not as a teaching but as a quality that stays with them for life. And kindness done always ends with kindness received. It's time tested.
🏻 Be yourself
Like I said, when I am around him I am not afraid of anything. Of who is watching, who is judging and how stupid I may look. Unh uhhh.
Nothing should stop you from liking who you are. When your kid sees you confident enough to sing horribly in a karaoke party or dance like a goofball and still watch you enjoy yourself happily..there is no embarrassment. There is only pride. And joy. One day he or she would need courage to be themselves in front of a crowd. And these little memories will be more resourceful than any pep talk.
🏻 Use your words carefully
I believe a lot in the power of words. My mom used to say 'na marta bhalon talwaar se, mar jaata hai shabdon k waar se' . Meaning - " Strongest of the warriors are killed by hurt of words."
It may sound hard to believe but I have never called my baby as 'naughty' . I don't have anything against those who use it but I just don't . Because he is not. Even when using it fondly, the word doesn't justify its meaning. I have a little, pure soul who is constantly growing. I wouldn't use any words with negative vibes.
When I am really mad at what he has done, he sees it on my face (not the angry contorted face but a sad, disappointed one).
Instead of saying, I am angry , I say I am upset.
Instead of saying he is being naughty, I say 'that's not nice.'
You get the idea.
There are so many ways around harsh words and honestly, we only use harsh,strong words to hurt the person we are angry with. And even though we may get furious as hell, I am certain no mom would ever wanna break her little ones heart. It would break hers too.
Also, goes without saying - the above applies not just to kids but to everyone around us.
🏻 Never make promises you can't keep
Simply put, Fake promise = Lie.
I don't like being lied to. Why should I lie to a kid?
Yes, there are times during those inconsolable tantrums when nothing else would work. When no other way seems to come to rescue. But when we abate a situation on a lie, it only escalates later. (Check out my previous post on tantrum dealings )
I won't deny that I haven't ever used the " do this and we will get you new toys" mantra . But when all is well and my 2 year old asks me " go shop toys?" and I give him another excuse..it just builds up on my mom guilt too much. And also, you run out of excuses pretty soon because two year olds can be really persistent !
Better than this, I *try to* get him to behave nicely for a few days and reward him with a treat ( a toy, a cake , a candy, whatever the moment calls for).
These few bits are a part of my wish-list for my kid's personality. I don't know how successful I will be, but I will keep trying without ever giving up. And that's another thing he will learn.