OR a 1000.
Gotchya !!
If you are here, I feel ya.
Sometimes I really wish the babies came with instruction manual on what to do when the system backfires (read tantrums).
But no, there isn't a rule book or a how-to manual on what to do when faced with a full blown toddler tantrum. At home, you may have a wide variety of options but when in public these little people know how to push our buttons and even shooting glares at the husband (who would be busy pretending he doesn't know us), doesn't work!
I am usually quite calm when it comes to my little guy but even so, there are days when I am driven to my limits. My usually happy little boy would someday suddenly decide to be adamant on some silly little thing (like taking off his pants in public *eye-roll*), and nothing, I repeat, nothing would convince him otherwise. And then he would proceed to throw a planking tantrum right in the middle of a busy public square on a Sunday (True Story). At this point, I can feel all judgmental eyes on me and hear people's thoughts on how my parenting is flawed. I can feel my ears going red from embarrassment and failure on how I am brought down to my knees by a two year old.
I give myself two choices in such scenarios -
First, be the other tantrum maker and scream at this tiny human being for doing what a two year old does. Yell at him and tell him how his yelling and screaming is wrong because you know, he is making a scene. Tell him off to behave properly while yanking him by his hand trying to get him to stand up. I can tell this kind, loving soul who hugs strangers and awwws at little babies and runs to help anybody who is hurt, that he is a bad boy for embarrassing his parents. I can drag him with a morbid expression on my face while he continues to cry and throw his limbs around to get free. He wouldn't even remember why he was crying in first place but now he would be crying because he is scared. Of me. Of the person who loves him most in this entire world.
Why would he be scared of me? I will tell you why.
One day, just as I was finishing off brushing my teeth and my toddler had been continuously banging on the bathroom door to let him in, I heard something smash and clatter on the floor. I was so mad by then, I screamed like a bear and happened to look up in the mirror. Gosh. I looked horrid. Is that what my kid saw each time I was screaming at him? That scary, frowned-up, angry, unhappy face? It is enough to scare my husband. No wonder it scared my little guy. Seeing the playful, lovable face of his mommy turn into this angry scary mask must be terrifying for a two year old.
Second, be the grown up in the picture. Remind myself that he is the toddler. Let him get his feelings out, which is loosely translated as let him cool down a little bit. Not expect him to behave like an adult and sob silently with a tissue. Let him know he is okay and I am here with him. I can tell him I know he is upset and I understand (even though I don't!). And while ensuring he stays in a safe zone, wait for him to calm down. Smile genuinely. Talk to him. Not try to reason because reasoning with a two year old? You would have better chances taming a dinosaur :D. Just distract him enough to catch his attention on something new. Mine has an attention span of 20 secs. So he is usually easy to distract and redirect. No fake promises or bribes. But rewards on good behavior . And most importantly, not seem to be embarrassed of his behavior. Every time he begins to get difficult, I can remind myself that he is learning. And I am an example right in front of him to follow. I gotta behave just as I expect him to. Keep my voice calm, yet stern. He would soon not even remember why he is crying. I can hold him and let him know he is safe and heard. I can tell him I love him and it makes me sad to see him sad.
It's so hard being calm in this situation but it is also rewarding in the end.
Now, don't get me wrong here. I have long ago learnt not to categorize any parenting style as right or wrong. For me, it's just my parenting style or your parenting style. What works for one may not work for other. As much as I would like to always make the second choice, some days are just too hard to stay in control. The temper and the tantrums do sometimes push me beyond and before I realize I find self screaming and announcing time outs.
And then, at night when he is fast asleep, I find myself stealing tiny little kisses and whispering sorrys for being hard on him.
Gotchya !!
If you are here, I feel ya.
Sometimes I really wish the babies came with instruction manual on what to do when the system backfires (read tantrums).
But no, there isn't a rule book or a how-to manual on what to do when faced with a full blown toddler tantrum. At home, you may have a wide variety of options but when in public these little people know how to push our buttons and even shooting glares at the husband (who would be busy pretending he doesn't know us), doesn't work!
I am usually quite calm when it comes to my little guy but even so, there are days when I am driven to my limits. My usually happy little boy would someday suddenly decide to be adamant on some silly little thing (like taking off his pants in public *eye-roll*), and nothing, I repeat, nothing would convince him otherwise. And then he would proceed to throw a planking tantrum right in the middle of a busy public square on a Sunday (True Story). At this point, I can feel all judgmental eyes on me and hear people's thoughts on how my parenting is flawed. I can feel my ears going red from embarrassment and failure on how I am brought down to my knees by a two year old.
I give myself two choices in such scenarios -
First, be the other tantrum maker and scream at this tiny human being for doing what a two year old does. Yell at him and tell him how his yelling and screaming is wrong because you know, he is making a scene. Tell him off to behave properly while yanking him by his hand trying to get him to stand up. I can tell this kind, loving soul who hugs strangers and awwws at little babies and runs to help anybody who is hurt, that he is a bad boy for embarrassing his parents. I can drag him with a morbid expression on my face while he continues to cry and throw his limbs around to get free. He wouldn't even remember why he was crying in first place but now he would be crying because he is scared. Of me. Of the person who loves him most in this entire world.
Why would he be scared of me? I will tell you why.
One day, just as I was finishing off brushing my teeth and my toddler had been continuously banging on the bathroom door to let him in, I heard something smash and clatter on the floor. I was so mad by then, I screamed like a bear and happened to look up in the mirror. Gosh. I looked horrid. Is that what my kid saw each time I was screaming at him? That scary, frowned-up, angry, unhappy face? It is enough to scare my husband. No wonder it scared my little guy. Seeing the playful, lovable face of his mommy turn into this angry scary mask must be terrifying for a two year old.
Second, be the grown up in the picture. Remind myself that he is the toddler. Let him get his feelings out, which is loosely translated as let him cool down a little bit. Not expect him to behave like an adult and sob silently with a tissue. Let him know he is okay and I am here with him. I can tell him I know he is upset and I understand (even though I don't!). And while ensuring he stays in a safe zone, wait for him to calm down. Smile genuinely. Talk to him. Not try to reason because reasoning with a two year old? You would have better chances taming a dinosaur :D. Just distract him enough to catch his attention on something new. Mine has an attention span of 20 secs. So he is usually easy to distract and redirect. No fake promises or bribes. But rewards on good behavior . And most importantly, not seem to be embarrassed of his behavior. Every time he begins to get difficult, I can remind myself that he is learning. And I am an example right in front of him to follow. I gotta behave just as I expect him to. Keep my voice calm, yet stern. He would soon not even remember why he is crying. I can hold him and let him know he is safe and heard. I can tell him I love him and it makes me sad to see him sad.
It's so hard being calm in this situation but it is also rewarding in the end.
Now, don't get me wrong here. I have long ago learnt not to categorize any parenting style as right or wrong. For me, it's just my parenting style or your parenting style. What works for one may not work for other. As much as I would like to always make the second choice, some days are just too hard to stay in control. The temper and the tantrums do sometimes push me beyond and before I realize I find self screaming and announcing time outs.
And then, at night when he is fast asleep, I find myself stealing tiny little kisses and whispering sorrys for being hard on him.
Mommying is way too hard and challenging than it looks. We are faced with these choices a hundred times every day. And yet we manage to maintain our sanity. Regardless of how we end up handling their tantrums, we love these mini-humans more than words can tell.
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